I have recently been reflecting on how I’m not the easiest to be in relationship with. I have extremely high expectations, am easily hurt, and struggle with anxiety on a daily basis. It’s no wonder I never dated (prior to my husband), didn’t go through life with that one best friend, and have never been on the inner circle of my friend groups. That being said, I’m extremely loyal, highly intentional, and remember details that matter. Dramatic but devoted…it’s who I’ve always been, but also who I wished I wasn’t…at least, until I met my husband Will.
I knew I’d hit the jackpot when, after just a few days of dating, I told Will that I believed God had called me to a life of travel and building relationships around the world with photography as my means of making that happen. I knew I couldn’t compromise that calling and didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t value the path I was on. Will, wise from the get-go, told me that while he didn’t know where our relationship would end up, he would never hinder God’s plan for my life. I was intrigued, besotted even. My ambition and direct approach didn’t phase him in the least. I think he felt the same a day or so later, when I gamely agreed to go squirrel hunting with his family and then discreetly picked shot out of my teeth when the aforementioned squirrel was served up at the dinner table. Apparently neither of us proved to be too much for the other. What a novel experience!
A few months into our dating relationship, I panicked. I was scared that because we were in a long distance relationship, Will was only seeing the best in me, and that as soon as he experienced the worst, he would bolt. I will NEVER forget his response, which he penned in an email: “I may not have seen the worst in you yet, but I have seen the best. And the best is worth fighting for.” I printed that email, folded it into a little square, and carried it with me for months. I knew then that I wasn’t just ‘in love’, but that I would choose to love Will for the rest of my life. For better, or for worse.
17 years in, I can confidently affirm that Will and I have both witnessed each other at our worst. Multiple times over. And to me, that is the best part of marriage. Even when one of us is at our worst, the other chooses not to abandon or write off the relationship. That commitment exists not because we are superhuman, but because we have the example of Christ’s unconditional love for us. If Jesus could sacrifice His life for us with a brutal death on the cross, in order that we might one day have eternal life and perfect unity with God, then we can (with His strength) endure life’s trials, including the trials of marriage.
I have learned so much about becoming a more tactful friend, less judgemental human, and gracious follower of Jesus because of the man who has never viewed me as ‘too much’, but instead has always found the best in me worth mucking through the worst for. I am still a work in progress, a bit barbed and defensive, easily wounded and riled up, but slowly, slowly, softening. Sometimes I still wish I were a bit less ‘me’, not so intense or sensitive, but if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t experience the beauty of grace (God’s, Will’s, and others’) on such a grand scale. What a gift to be so imperfect and yet loved so perfectly. The best Valentine’s gift today, and every day.
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