Month: June 2018

Pursuing Rest and Creative Renewal After Burnout

June 7, 2018

You know those people who set their minds to something and churn out beautiful work with stunning results just as naturally as the sun rises in the east? Well I’m not one of them. And the more I hear their stories, it turns out they aren’t either. In fact many of us creatives, entrepreneurs and dreamers tend to mask the inner struggle that come with striving, by burying our insecurities under the motto, “Fake it, ‘till you make it”. I subscribed to this soul-sucking way of life for far too long, but found hope after my body hit burnout and I succumbed to a year of rest. Along the way, I discovered a number of methods that helped me incorporate restorative rest into my lifestyle and continue to serve me well now that I’m back to work. If you’re approaching burn out, are struggling to juggle too many responsibilities/opportunities/possibilities, or just need to develop habits that refresh your creative spirit on a regular basis, I hope my journey will inspire you to integrate restorative rhythms into your pursuits.

As a perfectionist by nature, ambition has been the ever-present monkey on my back.

As a perfectionist by nature, ambition has been the ever-present monkey on my back. And yet, I’ve never become successful in the way I’ve hoped for. I could never make the top grades, turn my business into an industry game-changer, or truly excel in my hobbies. The culmination of decades’ worth of striving to succeed was burnout, and I knew I had nothing left to give in terms of creative efforts or entrepreneurial drive. With a growing family needing me, I felt like I hadn’t been giving them my best either. Everything I pursued felt like a mediocre version of what I longed to accomplish. I had become consumed by my fear of failure and the burden of comparison, both of which were holding me back from thriving, not just professionally, but personally. I needed to put the breaks on everything I was doing in order to gain some clarity, not to mention rest.

In January of 2017 I embarked on what evolved into a one-year sabbatical from all paid work. I decided to focus on my family, as well as personal creative development, which had taken a backseat during my career as a photographer. I also needed to slow down and rest without professional pressures bearing down on me.

Fast forward 9 months later and here I sit, right smack in the heart of a new business launch and entrepreneurial dream. I honestly never saw this coming. However, I often find that when I release my grip on something, it is returned to me in a new form and with less pressure attached. As my year-long sabbatical came to a close, business ideas began to flood into my rested and restored imagination, and it seemed like every other night I was going to bed saying to my husband, “Sooo, I have this idea…”. And for some reason, he didn’t think any of them were crazy. (Believe me, I’ve watched his eyebrows raise with incredulity at my hair-brained schemes many times over the years, so this time, his lack of scepticism just served to fuel my passion!) Something was different. This time I was determined to pursue my career in a way that would serve me and our family, not the other way around. There was no way I was going back to being a slave to my work or jeopardizing our family’s best interests in order to have a career.

Once I returned to work, the effects of the sabbatical really kicked in. For the first time in years I felt like I could evaluate my career priorities and preferences with clarity. I delineated strong boundaries between my work time and my home time, (even while working from home…but you can read about that here). I began to make business decisions that reflected my passions instead of those that would lead me back into the trap of comparison. Original, creative thinking began to flow, and my focus became less about success and more about pursuing what made me come alive. I came to the place where I finally believed that the success would come if I were using wise business strategies, trusting my creative abilities, and relying on God to keep me humble and at the centre of His will.

One of the biggest challenges I faced with returning to my career after a sabbatical has been how to implement periods of rest into my current lifestyle. After all, I don’t see another sabbatical like that coming down the pipe for a long time! I think the answer has come down to knowing what the most effective rest looks like for me, and how to ensure it happens. While rest looks different for everybody, our bodies require it and our spirits are nourished by it. When we rest, (and not just sleep) we give ourselves the opportunity to thrive, create, grow, and nourish others. These elements are essential to living an abundant life, and who doesn’t want that?

If you are craving a period of rest in your life, or want to replenish your creative source, here are 4 things I did throughout my sabbatical that you can do to help achieve the restorative rest you need:

1) Evaluate times in the past when you’ve felt the most rested, inspired, and creative.

Also consider those periods in which you’ve been the most burnt out, exhausted, and stressed. Study your schedule in advance and decide how often you need times of rest that really refresh you, limiting the situations that burn you out and deplete your wellspring of rest and creativity. Block out your times of rest according to your needs first and your lifestyle second. Of course that doesn’t mean spending money on a luxury retreat if that’s not in your budget, but consider planning your calendar year with your physical, spiritual, and emotional needs first, before you fill up the blank space with activities and obligations. I know that I need at least a couple of days a week at home without running errands or having to meet people. We also like to have one weekend a month that is left completely unscheduled so we can be as spontaneous as we please. I know I need alone time every day and time in nature on a regular basis. Scheduling these times into my calendar helps me honour the time it takes for me to be restored and rested.

2) Consider the source of rest.

Where is your true source of rest? What have you discarded that might bring you ultimate peace in your life? Seeking these truths out on a daily basis will result in the most restorative rest and life-giving freedom one could ever imagine. I believe that God the Creator designed our bodies to rest on a habitual basis, hence the tradition of a Sabbath, or weekly day of rest. I also believe that His Son Jesus Christ offers us rest for our souls when we are weary and burdened. Spending time lingering in His presence through prayer, time in nature, meditation, the reading of Scripture, and journaling was a deep source of revitalization and inspiration for me.

3) Spend time in nature

Look for little ways to be outside on a daily basis and drink in your surroundings. Schedule times in your calendar to be in nature that are longer and more lingering, especially while walking. Keep a nature journal and document your surroundings. If you can, seek areas of nature that are grand, isolated, and rich with inspiration. The sound of freeways and crowded parks do little for our mental refreshment and creative enrichment. During my sabbatical, I had the opportunity to spend 8 days walking through the Cotswolds with a couple of friends, and was invigorated by the very best of what rural England and its vast countryside have to offer: endless quietude, idyllic scenery, and hearty, farm-to-table pub fare.

4) Create for creation’s sake

Find ways to create that have nothing to do with work or an audience. Seek opportunities to indulge in creative activities for the sake of sheer pleasure and discovery. While on sabbatical I had the pleasure of using a camera just for myself with no clients to impress. I rediscovered what it meant to slow down and shoot in a way that was exciting and meaningful to me. I fell in love with my favourite art form all over again, and experienced the joy of photography as it became more of an extension of who I was and less of a tool to earn an income. Now that I’m back to work I have so much more of a reverence for my camera, the film I use, and my time spent behind the lens. It’s a special relationship that I cherish now more than ever.

Whether or not you consider yourself a creative type or someone who has succumbed to the hustle of our fast-paced society, we are all beings in need of rest and inspiration.

Otherwise our bodies cease to function well and our desire to live dissipates. We were designed to need rest and regeneration, to cultivate our creative spirits, and nurture the gifts we were given, but we cannot do these things if our well has run dry. The Psalmist knew that being lead to still waters and having our soul restored was essential to well-being. I’m so excited to return to those waters again and again, knowing now what it is like to thrive in the midst of striving.

If you long to be encouraged by other like-minded women who long to seek restful rhythms, pursue their dreams while living practically, and develop their creative gifts while sustaining their ambitions, I’d love to have you join us for a retreat in the fall of 2019. As we develop and plan for this time of restorative rest and encouragement, click here to let us keep you informed!

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Maintaining Sanity & Balance While Working from Home

June 6, 2018

Back when I was still photographing weddings and family portraits for the majority of my work (oh and running a wedding blog for a couple years at the same time), I was attempting to juggle these things with a toddler and newborn needing my full-time attention. I was on social media constantly, producing blog posts multiple times a week, shooting and editing for clients on a regular basis, and trying to do all of this while tending to the needs of a toddler whose position as only child had just been usurped by a new baby, and of course, feeding the baby (which for me included countless hours of pumping which resulted in producing barely enough milk). I never took a maternity leave with either one of my daughters and was working from bed just days after giving birth.

After recovery I’d sit at the desk in our living room while my oldest sought attention, and my patience regularly gave out. It’s hard to admit, but even while I struggled desperately to pour my best into both motherhood and my business, I felt like the results were mediocre at best. Often I’d wake in the early hours to work, attempt to squeeze in a couple hours of work again during nap time, and then continue work after the kids were asleep for the evening. I felt like a pathetic, frizzy-haired zombie. You can guess that eventually this lead to burnout. Exhausted and disappointed in myself, I took a year-long sabbatical from all paid work (you can read about that journey here) with no agenda but rest and focused family time.

“…even while I struggled desperately to pour my best into both motherhood and my business, I felt like the results were mediocre at best.”

When I began contemplating my return to work, I decided that two things would have to change:

One.

I would no longer be a slave to my career and my work would have to accommodate our family and our preferred lifestyle, rather than the other way around.

Two.

I would limit the time I worked with my kids around. Trying to cook dinner, write a blog post, and breast-feed a baby all at the same time left us all overwhelmed. Time for work and family would need to be compartmentalized with minimal overlap.

So far, we are six months into this new way of functioning and I’ve never felt more alive in my work or confident as a mom. Of course I have my down days, but that’s just part of the ebb and flow of life. Here are 6 things I’ve changed that have helped me to balance motherhood with working from home.

1) Designing and sticking to a work schedule.

Before jumping back into work I determined how many hours a week I felt I could invest in my career while still feeling like a good mom. If ‘mom guilt’ started creeping in, then for me there was no point in pursuing my work. I just didn’t want that looming guilt to be a part of my life anymore. Initially I thought that when Will wasn’t traveling for work, I could commit more hours than has actually been reasonable, but at this point, my typical work schedule looks like two mornings a week for about 4-5 hours each, plus about a half hour’s worth of social media, emailing, etc. for each work day. So about 10-12 hours a week. When Will is away, that number might look a little lower, but I just have to do what feels manageable. Having parameters like these also help me to stay on task, focus well, and work much more efficiently as I have zero time for wandering off on rabbit trails.

2) Arranging childcare.

When Will is home, his schedule is quite flexible and he can work from both home and a nearby office with pretty adjustable hours. The two mornings a week that I dedicate to focused work, he is fully in charge of the kids. I try to get started before breakfast so that they know I’m out the door and working for the morning. When Will is traveling, I hire a sitter to watch the girls on those mornings. I also plan to scale back on social media and admin when he’s gone, as my capacity for that is diminished by my exhaustion with both single parenting and another baby on the way!

3) A separate space to work.

After our second daughter was born, we built out the back half of our garage to serve as both a guest room and as a potential workspace for me. This has been key to working with focus and productivity. If you don’t have a space in or around your home that offers this type of setting, perhaps ensuring that your spouse, another family member, or sitter takes your kids out during your work hours. Another option would be to arrange for preschool or daycare as a way to ensure you get time to work with minimal interruptions. If heading to a coffee shop or library would suit your work style, those are viable options as well. Also, I make sure that the guest room/office space is clean, inspiring, and free from distractions. Whenever I walk in, I feel ready to work, purely because the space around me is inspiring and distraction-free.

4) No working during naptime.

This was a hard habit for me to break, but I realized that if I was going to be a more congenial personal during the hardest hours of the day (which, for me at least, occur after naptime and between the kids’ bedtime), I needed a solid break in order to veg out. Even though I have a 4.5 year old who doesn’t nap anymore, and a 2.5 year old whose naps can be shorter than I’d prefer, this is still a sacred quiet time in our home. My oldest is set up with audio books and plenty of quiet activities she can enjoy in her room. I’ve worked hard at establishing this time as my quiet time as well, and have set up an incentive that usually works well: no interruptions during quiet time results in a 20 minute show for the kids afterwards.

5) Batching.

If you’re unfamiliar with this term, it basically refers to getting one type of job done all at once. I try to batch everything I possibly can, from kitchen work (I’ll be making breakfast while that night’s chicken and veggies are roasting in the oven), to correspondence (I make running lists of texts/emails/calls to respond to and tackle them in one fell swoop a couple times a day), to business-related work (all my Instagram posts for the following week are put together each Friday). Around the time I realized that multitasking wasn’t cutting it and was actually a truly inefficient way of functioning, I was introduced to batching. This has become an almost habitual way of life for me and as a list-maker and efficiency-lover, the concept makes me giddy. But I also feel like this tactic would work really well for someone who tends to be more scattered or spontaneous because it helps to bring a healthy rhythm into the home. My family gets more of the focused attention they need, and my business receives the same.

6) Hiring a business coach.

When Will and I discussed the prospect of me returning to work I told him that I felt strongly about the need to hire someone who could help me build a sustainable business that would suit our family’s lifestyle preferences. Clearly that had not been my strength in the past, and I didn’t want to repeat my actions while still expecting different results—because that’s the definition of crazy right? Hiring D’Arcy Benincosa has been the single best thing I’ve done for my business. She has enabled me to gain clarity and confidence where I had none, encouraged me in my strengths while helping me understand where I require help, and set me on a path to creative productivity and success that I look forward to pursuing every day. The decision was no small financial investment, but I knew that with a finite amount of time at my disposal, I needed to find a guide to help me use that time to the best of my abilities. She has been a lifeline and I have thrived because of her guidance and accountability. I highly recommend finding someone like D’Arcy who can mentor and come alongside you in your business.

And that’s the gist of it! I’m sure as the business progresses and our seasons of life evolve, I’ll need to shift and explore other aspects of balance that can enable both our family and the business to function well, but I know that these tactics will come with me along the journey.

If you’re a business woman just starting out or are pivoting from one type of business to another and are looking for some support, I offer one-hour consultations to give you the boost you need, as well as photography services, and brand partnerships to help you grow your brand. Click here for further details. And if you have big dreams and want to see them become reality, or don’t even know where to start when it comes to defining your dreams, I’ve written another post just for you.

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How to Cultivate Dreams While Living Practically

June 5, 2018

For much of my life, my mom has oft repeated the little phrase “Dreams are free”. She predictably uttered this line whenever an idea for something grand was met with scepticism, and I believe it bred in my sister and me the concept that dreaming was a free gift we could indulge in, whenever and wherever we wanted. I spent much of my time growing up with my head in the clouds inventing future plans out of nothing but scraps of inspiration. I’ll admit that sometimes it got the better of me as I struggled to live in the present, or accept dreams that couldn’t come to fruition. Even now, though I’ve honed in on the type of dreams I want to indulge in and pursue, I still find myself struggling to be released from unrealized dreams. However, the pros of dreaming big have far outweighed the downsides of broken dreams, because sometimes the results are even greater than I could have imagined. To me, that’s part of what makes life exciting and worth striving after.

“the pros of dreaming big have far outweighed the downsides of broken dreams, because sometimes the results are even greater than I could have imagined.”

My husband Will and I have always spent a lot of our time together dreaming. Plans for the future include his spreadsheets that outline how we could achieve our goals, and my sketches and lists that incorporate dream homes, renovations, and trip plans. We actually have a name and design for a Cajun restaurant that will likely never happen. Whenever we get the opportunity to sit down for a Cajun meal in the Deep South, we always revert back to dreaming about our imagined eatery and what it would look like. Let me tell you, the po’boys would be off the hook.

As I continue to pursue big dreams, the older I become, the more scepticism I encounter. I think in my 20’s people were content to raise eyebrows and say things like, “Well, anything’s possible”, as a polite way of responding to my grandiose ideas. But now in my mid-30’s the responses I receive are usually sceptical doubts regarding the practicality of dreaming.

I keep hearing things like, “What’s the point of even pursuing my dream?” or, “There’s no way I could do that when I have everything else to juggle,” or, “I have no idea what I would even want to do!”.

This has gotten me thinking, and I’ve begun to wonder how much time women my age actually spend dreaming. And not just busy moms with kids to raise, but full-time career women who have devoted their adult lives to becoming financially and professionally successful, and have sacrificed many of their passions in the process. It makes my heart ache as I long for women to spur one another on to pursue their passions and cultivate dreams that make their hearts beat fast and their eyes widen at the prospect of imagined possibilities becoming reality.

If any of this resonates with you, and you have dreams that you desire to realize, or you just want to cultivate long-buried ideas that could potentially enrich your life, here are three things I do that help me to nurture the seedlings of dreams into beautiful harvests.

1) Create a physical space that inspires your dreams.

I collect inspiration like it’s going out of style— decor, books, art, music etc. that allow my mind to shift into another time or place. If you would love to travel to Italy one day, start filling your home with art prints, books, and decor that invite you to dream of Rome or Tuscany or Venice. Hit up the library and check out a stack of travel literature, cookbooks, and beautifully illustrated coffee table books that prompt your mind to wander. Declutter your home of the things that stress you out or provide function only, and slowly incorporate pieces that make your eyes light up and your heart sing every time you open the front door. Bring in florals and music, create food and watch movies that tantalize your senses. The dreams don’t have to be specific, like an ideal job or a travel destination. They can be a sense of something, a coming together of things that help to dust off your imagination and spark a fire in you. Your home is a haven and a space that can allow you to be free in thought.

2) Designate mental space that enables you to awaken your imagination.

Within our busy days, it’s not easy to find time to experience the quietude necessary to let our imaginations run wild, but even if it’s for five minutes upon waking, cooking dinner, or driving the kids around, I intentionally devote small slivers of time to allow the seed of an idea to blossom into something more substantial. As an added bonus, these bite-sized ‘dreamlettes’ offer a far more life-giving escape from the stresses and pressures of every day life than a quick scroll through the internet. Find someone to talk to who won’t scoff at your ideas and instead will serve like a bellows to ignite the coals of your passion. Protect and kindle the dream in your mind, building confidence and desire before allowing just anyone a glimpse into your embryo of an idea. Dreams are tender and need a bit of coddling in the early stages. I love using small spaces of time to let ideas build momentum and weight.

3) Carve out calendar space that allows burgeoning dreams to ripen.

Whenever I schedule time to myself, I ensure my time allows for dreaming and scheming. Sometimes I plan on a long walk, or a morning at home alone, or even a weekend away once in a blue moon. No matter what you decide works best with your calendar, bring along journals, books or other media that captivate your imagination. Perhaps invite a friend or loved off of whom you can bounce ideas. Dreams need to be cultivated and visualized if they are going to manifest as realities. Never have I had a goal in mind or a dream on the horizon that hasn’t happened without spending a substantial amount of time crafting a visual of what that reality might look like. Pray, seek wisdom, and define your dream when you have scheduled time to clarify what your preferences and parameters are. Once these are in place, you’re well on your way to moving forward and pursuing your dream with fortitude and focus.

I believe we were all created with a purpose, and even if we don’t know what our truest passions are, there are are tried and tested ways that can help you uncover your desires and bring them into the light. As the traditional spiritual says,

“Hide it under a bushel, no. I’m gonna let it shine.”

What is beneath the surface of your everyday routine that is ready to burst forth and serve as a light in the world around you?

I want to encourage you to discover your gifts and desires so you can truly become who you’ve been designed to be. In fact, this is such a strong desire of mine that I’ve written an entire manifesto on this, specifically for you. If you’d like a free, beautifully-designed copy for yourself or to share, you can download a copy here.

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